Self-Love: The Deepest Gift You Can Give Yourself
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What if I told you that the most important love of your life is the one you have with yourself?
Yet, so many of us pour love into everyone else, our children, partners, family while neglecting the one person who needs it most: ourselves.
Only when your cup is full can you truly pour love into others. If self-love is missing, it affects every area of life. You may feel drained, stressed, or constantly unfulfilled, even if love surrounds you. A lack of self-love leads to self-blame, constant complaining, and a sense of emptiness.
But when self-love is present, everything shifts. You don’t need validation from others because you already approve of yourself. You no longer seek permission to be who you are you simply own your power. You become unmessable, strong, centered, and unaffected by external opinions.
Yet, many of us unknowingly engage in self-sabotage, preventing ourselves from experiencing deep self-love. There are four major ways we block ourselves:
1. Self-Defense Mechanisms: Building Walls Instead of Bridges
We develop self-defense mechanisms to protect ourselves from hurt, but sometimes, these walls prevent us from receiving love and support.
🔹 Pushing People Away – You believe that if you don’t let people in, they can’t hurt you. But in reality, you end up feeling isolated and alone.
Example: A mother avoids sharing her struggles with friends because she doesn’t want to seem "weak." She tells herself, “I can handle everything on my own.” But deep down, she craves support.
🔹 Over-Achieving to Prove Worth – You keep yourself constantly busy, striving for perfection because deep down, you feel you need to ‘earn’ love.
Example: A mother who never takes a break because she fears being seen as "lazy." She ties her self-worth to how much she does for others.
🔹 Avoiding Vulnerability – You hide your emotions or struggle to express your true needs, fearing judgment or rejection.
Example: A woman who wants to restart her career but doesn’t bring it up at home, fearing that her family won’t support her dreams.
✨ Self-Love Shift: Allow yourself to ask for help, express your needs, and accept love without guilt. You don’t have to do everything alone.
2. The Blame Game: Shifting Responsibility Instead of Taking Ownership
Blame keeps us stuck—whether we blame others or ourselves. It’s an endless loop that prevents growth.
🔹 Blaming Others – You believe someone else is responsible for your unhappiness, preventing you from taking control of your own joy.
Example: A mother blames her spouse for never helping with household chores but never clearly communicates what she needs.
🔹 Blaming Yourself – You engage in self-criticism, telling yourself you’re not good enough or that everything is your fault.
Example: A woman who constantly tells herself, “I should have done better,” even when she’s doing her best. She carries guilt for things beyond her control.
✨ Self-Love Shift: Instead of blame, ask yourself: What action can I take to improve this situation? Taking responsibility is empowering.
3. Lack of Courage: Staying Stuck in Fear
Self-love requires courage—the courage to set boundaries, pursue dreams, and step into your power.
🔹 Fear of Setting Boundaries – You struggle to say "no" and end up overcommitting, leading to exhaustion and frustration.
Example: A mother agrees to every school event and family gathering, even when she’s overwhelmed, because she fears disappointing others.
🔹 Fear of Being Judged – You avoid doing things that bring you joy because you worry about what others might think.
Example: A woman who loves dancing but never joins a class because she fears people will laugh at her.
🔹 Fear of Change – You stay in the same patterns, even if they don’t serve you, because stepping into the unknown feels too scary.
Example: A woman who dreams of launching a small business but never starts, fearing she will fail.
✨ Self-Love Shift: Courage is not about being fearless. It’s about taking action despite the fear.
4. Lack of Surrender: Trying to Control Everything
Surrender isn’t about giving up; it’s about trusting life. When we resist surrender, we try to control every outcome, creating unnecessary stress.
🔹 Holding Onto Expectations – You struggle when things don’t go your way, instead of adapting and flowing.
Example: A mother envisions a perfect weekend with her family but gets upset when things don’t go as planned.
🔹 Struggling to Let Go of the Past – You hold onto old pain, refusing to forgive yourself or others.
Example: A woman replays past mistakes in her mind, unable to let go of guilt.
🔹 Trying to Control How Others Feel – You want everyone to be happy and feel responsible for their emotions.
Example: A mother constantly overextends herself to keep everyone happy but neglects her own well-being.
✨ Self-Love Shift: Let go of control and trust that you are safe, even when things don’t go as planned.
Self-Reflection Exercise
If any of these self-sabotaging patterns resonated with you, don’t worry, you are not alone. I was once there too. But now that I know better, I do better, whenever I catch myself falling into self-sabotage.
Take a moment. Grab a pen and paper. Find a quiet space.
Give yourself 10 minutes to reflect.
Where am I being overly defensive? Am I shutting people out? Am I afraid to receive love?
Where am I stuck in the Blame Game, blaming myself or others? Am I holding on to resentment?
Where am I lacking courage? Am I avoiding change out of fear?
Where am I resisting surrender? Am I trying to control everything instead of trusting life?
When we reflect on these areas, we create awareness. And awareness is the first step toward self-love.
Transcending Into Self-Love
So, how do we overcome self-sabotage? How do we move from defense and fear to true self-love?
Self-love is the process of embracing yourself, fully, unconditionally, and without apology.
The Three Stages of Self-Love
Self-Care – Taking care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
Self-Acceptance – Embracing yourself as you are, without judgment or comparison.
Self-Approval – Recognising your worth, no longer seeking validation from the outside world.
Your Invitation to Own Your Power
If this message resonated with you, I invite you to join my "Own Your Power" Masterclass a space where we dive deeper into breaking self-sabotage and stepping into empowerment.
💡 Click here to register: https://learn.changemakersfamilyhub.com/services/cfh
💖 You deserve the love you so freely give to others. God Bless!